Case Studies

Those of you who genuinely care about me have probably been terribly concerned over the past several months about the character types I'm currently stuck in a flat with (Curtis, read: house). Are they boring? Insane? Unhygenic? Slutty? Fret no more, dear readers, as this posting is devoted entirely to four concise descriptions that will flesh out the less important inhabitants of 3/167 Dundas Street.

Shannon - Recently turned 21, from Alberta Canada. Her room shares the bottom floor with mine, and that's about the only similarity we have. She's a health sciences major and is way into working out (though you can't really tell). Here's a colorful anecdote that I feel sums her up sufficiently:

(While walking to gym)

Shannon: (spastically skip-walking) Ouch! My lip hurts so bad! I can't believe it's bitten again...

Me: (bored and not really paying any attention) You bit your lip? I hate that.

Shannon: (in an obvious attempt to make it known that she's getting around) Welllll, I wasn't the one who bit it... Oh look at all those seagulls over there on the field!!! Aren't they so cute? (Subject changed so immediately and awkwardly that the full impact of what she just said is craftily made even more jarring, except for I don't care.)

Toby: 20, Vermont. History major (though you'd never guess). He's nice and all, but he pretty much lives at another flat with some guys and girls that he bonded with during his orientation in June. It's like, Jesus Christ man, do I not even exist over here? Just kidding. We watch movies and episodes of "Arrested Development" all the time, and wile away anxious minutes before dinner by making extreme fun of Shannon. He refuses to turn on his space heater and spends the overwelming majority of his time cocooned inside a sleeping bag. Watching him hop from kitchen to living room is great fun.

Mel: 22, Invercargill (New Zealand). Mel terrifies me. She's a physical education major (I know, right?) and has this barking laugh (think of that one obscenely stupid playmate from "The Girls Next Door) that's surpassed in unpleasantness only by her terrible humor. She could write for "Friends" or something, it's that stale. Don't get me wrong though, I'm far from a Mel-hater. She's an amiable lady and answers any question I may have regarding Dunedin. Meat for her must be burnt before consumption, so I never really look forward to Thursday night dinners. When she puts her hair down she looks like someone else entirely.

Liz: 22, Invercargill. History and Spanish major. Liz is incredibly kind-hearted and soft-spoken. She works at the library and would likely dazzle me with her extensive vocabulary if she didn't speak so goddamned quickly. Exercise is out of the question, because her knees are like warped with arthritis. Walking down stairs for her is a major endeavor. It's not all peaches and cream, though. Whenever she disagrees with something she gets a really annoying look on her face (think comic disbelief gone awry), her movie collection is pitiable (Love Actually, Boondock Saints [just try and argue that one with me, I dare you]), and she accidentally ruins the horrifyingly small portions of almost everything she cooks.

So there you have it. Also, if you haven't seen "The Graduate" yet, go rent it. I don't know where I've been working for the past summer to never have given it a shot (certainly not a kickass video store that needs more support...).